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Friday, September 3, 2010

Re: FWD: RE: [] Football: Fwd: TEN YARD FIGHT!!

To ALL pro and college football fans: Ochocinco-in-Chief Obama has UNILATERALLY formed a secret, UNTRACEABLE cabal with NFL commissioner Roger Goodall, the wife of former NFLPA Executive Director Gene Upshaw, and Adam "Pac-Man" Jones. The group is charged with altering the NFL rulebook "by any means necessary."

According to a man I talked to claiming to be ESPN’s John Clayton*, the rules changes consist of three (“3”) prongs – clock management adjustments and challenge manipulations, field and equipment alterations, and playbook mandates. Clock management adjustments and challenge manipulations include the lengthening of the play clock to 45 seconds and a moratorium on timeouts called with 5 seconds or less on the play clock. Also, plays in which the “TUCK RULE” come into play can no longer be challenged nor officially reviewed by the booth. Field and equipment alterations include instructions to all grounds crews to cut field grass no lower than 2 inches. Plus, the circumference of each goal post will be increased by 18 inches. The playbook mandates mandate that EVERY team include 1 WISHBONE formation-based play and 1 OPTION play in their official team playbooks.^

I, for one, am pretty P.O.’d about these changes. I have a nagging suspicion many other AMERICAns aren’t going to be on-board with these changes to our NATIONAL PASTIME… So I’m calling on every on to meet me at the Heinz Field parking lot before the Steelers home opener on Sept. 12th to tell Terrell Owens-in-Chief Obama that we say “No!” to his rule changes.# PLZ FWD: this to your 12 closest American football loving friends!!

Go Steelers, Go Iron City!

*This impostor could not provide official NFL press credentials upon request.

^Coaches are under no obligation to call these plays, and upon a showing of good cause, may exclude such plays in electronic copies of their playbook.

#These rule changes are scheduled to take effect in 2011 and do not apply to the playoffs.